i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My vagina is very pro this idea
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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