I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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