Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize