so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
