my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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