I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
