so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
