You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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