Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
