Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
