In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
