If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize