just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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