Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
