I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
