whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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