well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize