you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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