Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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