Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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