Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
