My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize