Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
