get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
