I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
