he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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