He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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