Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you traded sex for a burrito?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
