all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
