Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
