grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
