my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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