I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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