have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
