those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
