Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
