I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
