the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
