Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
