in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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