The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They are going to name an STD after you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
