I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You need a sexual gate keeper
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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