totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
