he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
