I can text with my tongue
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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