hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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