who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
