Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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