Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
