The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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