I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
