there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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