I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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