Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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