So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
