What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
