Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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