wrigley field is MILF paradise
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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