it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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