my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
