drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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