I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
