He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize