You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
