I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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