I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
