I look better un-naked...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
