we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
