you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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