before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
