I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
