Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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