Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
