Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
