we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
