A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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