I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
