We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
