Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I intend to get homeless drunk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will be naked everywhere
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
