Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
