Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
