It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
