Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We are all done wearing pants today
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
