have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
