also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
