Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
