I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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