PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
