Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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