Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
