Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
