i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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