im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
