yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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