so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
