why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
