she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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