I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
