This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize