The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
