So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
