Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
