She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
