Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
