kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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