Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
