i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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