did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
