So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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