I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
