Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
