I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
