the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
