I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
