I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
