I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
