I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
