escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
